Spring 2023 Update

A New Year, A Fresh Outlook

Spotify says that my top song in 2022 was Taylor’s Version of “All Too Well-10 Minute Version.” If that doesn’t sum up the year I don’t know what else will. It was an aching kind of year, the kind of year that was full of the sweetest highs and the bitterest lows. I achieved my dream of being published, and then published again. I received a formal Autism diagnosis, which I acknowledge makes me one of the privileged adults able to go through the process without (too many) barriers. I also became ill with neurological symptoms that left me bedridden from October until December. I’m still going through testing for that one, but I faced one of my biggest fears- the dreaded lumbar puncture- and came out triumphant!

I only yelped once. I was impressed with myself, the technicians were not. 

I spent the winter recovering from my illness and going through a myriad of medical testing, as well as a small crisis of faith in my future as a writer. The usual doubts flooded my mind, but now they were backed up by the horrible brainfog and fatigue that had me crawling into bed as soon as my shift ended so I could sleep away the migraines. I could barely read, let alone write, and what I did write came out stilted and forced. It was a mess and I was devastated. 

And then we lost Purple. 

The Best Boy

Purple is technically my sister’s cat, but he came into our life the weekend after I moved in with my sister and the family at sixteen, and I have loved this cat ever since. He was there for every high and every low. He was the rock we turned to when things seemed impossible and the only thing that could get you through was burying your face in a purring cloud of impossibly soft fur.

We had to put him to sleep on Valentine’s Day, nine days after his sixteenth birthday. 

Anyway, devastated doesn’t begin to cover how I felt after Purple died. I didn’t want to do anything, and journaling was a tedious, sob-inducing disaster. My fiction was even worse after that. 

But somehow, miraculously, we got through it. Maybe it was the arrival of Spring, or some cosmic shift that aligned the planets just right, but a month after Purple’s death I sat on a Zoom call with my Mentor, Sequoia, and his other Mentee this year, Lucien, and I felt something begin to stir as we had our monthly discussion. 

A small kindle of want. After six months of feeling bogged down and uninspired, I suddenly felt that necessary spark of creation again.

And then I read “Refuse to be Done” by Matt Bell, which fanned that spark into a roaring campfire. I started writing, and kept at it. I wrote four different first scenes for four different books in four days and even though I didn’t stick with any of them I felt satisfied and fulfilled for the first time in a long, long while. 

My very own copy of “Refuse to be Done”

It’s been a week since I finished “Refuse to be Done,” and I read the amazing book “Light from Uncommon Stars” afterwards by Ryka Aoki, which made me feel all kinds of emotions and reminded me why I love books in the first place. Both of these have bolstered me, and I have written every day this last week. I figured out a tentative subject for my third year thesis and critical paper- two big projects that have been weighing on my mind since the fall. I don’t have everything figured out, but I have Chapter one of the first project and a working outline and thesis statement for the second, and I’m thrilled. 

I devoured this book in 24 hours

All this to say, things weren’t great, but they are now. 

I hope you have something to fulfill your creative needs right now too, but keep your chin up even if you don’t. Everything comes to an end, especially rough patches. 

With love, Aleah.